I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
