your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
