She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
