He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
