They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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