Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
high people should be assigned attendants
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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