Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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