I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
