It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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