I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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