he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
