worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
