How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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