She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
