summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
