Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
