I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
