True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
