Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
