I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
