Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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