and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
