Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think i got beer on your cat.
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