apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
