I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So vagazzling was a success
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize