just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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