Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
