Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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