Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
