Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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