Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
