And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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