Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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