I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
