Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
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