please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
