so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
