No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
