so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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