I just cut my nipple shaving
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
