I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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