yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
