words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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