I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's get the cat blown out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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