And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
