My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
