I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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