my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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