You're my little dorito
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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