I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
