My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
