He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
