I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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